In today’s world, ensuring your safety is about more than just being cautious around strangers. 90% of victims know their abuser. Often, the perpetrator is considered a “trusted” or “safe” adult. This could be a family member, friend, teacher, coach, or medical staff.
Perpetrators can in fact be people we know and have trust in. This can be confusing as people we believe we can trust may be harmful. The adult in question may be pedestalled and/or an illusion of safety may exist around the space you are in. It may feel disrespectful or taboo to question their power, authority, or public reputation. Often, the most complicated NO to identify is the one closest to a YES. We have a much easier time discerning more blatant and obvious dangers, and more difficulty deciphering if a wolf is wearing sheep’s clothing.
This post intends to help everyone discern who a “trusted” or “safe” adult is, understand red flags, and address the unfortunate scenario where all precautions fail, including what to do if someone you considered safe and trusted is no longer safe for you.
Understanding Who Are Trusted Adults or Safe People
Before diving into the characteristics of a trusted adult or safe person, it's essential to understand the significance of identifying these people in your life. Trusted adults are pivotal in providing support, guidance, and a sense of security. A “safe” or “trusted” adult has your best interest at heart and honors your well-being.
Recognizing the traits of a trustworthy person empowers you to build healthy relationships and navigate life's challenges confidently. To make it more transparent, let's look at some characteristics of a trusted adult more closely.
Determining Safe vs. Unsafe Adults
It's essential to strike a balance between giving the benefit of the doubt and ensuring our safety. Some red flags can be subtle, and others very obvious. Increasing awareness of these indicators helps us to be mindful and prepared. We should consider the particulars of a specific situation to determine whether we feel unsafe.
Not all of the descriptions and examples shared are easy to navigate. Some of the situations presented can have blurred boundaries, which becomes challenging, especially when they involve people in positions of authority or close relationships. Consider the details of each situation carefully and determine if what is being asked of you is necessary. If a situation makes you feel uncomfortable, you can seek support and clarification from an already trusted adult in order to gain clarity. These people can include parents, family members, doctors, counselors, therapists, and even law enforcement. Some situations may call for you to firmly establish a boundary; a safe person will respect the limit you have placed.
It is essential to recognize that even with all of the knowledge about what constitutes an unsafe adult, no one is entirely immune to the possibility of harm. Access to a trustworthy person can change, and if you are harmed by anyone, know you are not to blame. When in doubt, trust your instincts and don't push through the uncomfortable feeling or situation. Consider seeking support by sharing your concerns and experiences with someone who can provide you with guidance. Remember that you have the right to prioritize your safety and security above all else.
Kathryn McClain, MSW, MBA
Program and Partnerships Director at #WeRideTogether
Jennifer “Jenna” Almonte
Public speaker and educator for college students and parents on Sexual Violence Prevention