We hope you found the tools in the Boundaries Series useful! Different tools cater to different needs and offer support for various situations and interpersonal dynamics. We welcome you to try out a variety of tips and tricks to find which tools work best for you in your relationships and athletic environment.
If you're struggling to set boundaries, here are some recommended guidelines to try in your sporting space.
- Boundary: Interactions need to be transparent, observable, appropriate, and within the sport context, and coaches need to ask for consent.
- Similarly, athletes should feel comfortable and be given a choice (not under duress or fearing retaliation) to refuse physical contact when they are uncomfortable.
- Gentle example: “Hey, coach, is there a drill I could do instead to find the proper muscle engagement?”
- Medium example: “I don’t feel comfortable with you touching me in that way/there.”
- Strong example: “Do not touch me there. That’s inappropriate.”
- To review the coffee metaphor in more detail or for more practice with scaffolding boundary-setting, the ‘Boundaries Series - Tool #2: How do you take your coffee?’ is an excellent resource.
- Boundary: Coaches need to serve as mentors rather than friends or family, and have a relationship based on trust and respect.
- In ‘Boundaries Series - Tool #4: The Mentor Model’, we reviewed how abusive behavior can be normalized and how risks for misconduct and abuse can increase if appropriate boundaries are not set.
- A great way to gut-check whether your relationship is based on care and support versus power and control is by consulting our Coach Athlete Relationship Dynamics Diagrams, which include and define characteristics of healthy versus unhealthy relationships in sports.
- The Boundary Circles Activity discussed in the ‘Boundaries Series - Tool #3: Boundary Circles' can be a useful visual tool when determining the level of closeness, intimacy, and privacy you have with your coach and surrounding social ecosystem. Evaluating where your coach and teammates are in your boundary circles can provide tangible insight on whether or not those relationships may warrant additional boundaries to stay within best practices for abuse prevention and in line with creating safe and healthy sporting environments.
- Aligning with the “mentor model” and fostering healthy boundary work in sport is possible, even in dual relationships. Dual relationships in sport, for example, could be between para-athletes and caregivers, coaches and adult athletes in romantic partnerships, coaches as employers, teammates who may be roommates or romantic partners, or when a parent coaches their child. These exceptionally close and multi-dimensional relationships simply require different boundaries to be enacted.
- For example, the U.S. Center for SafeSport provides a consent form that must be signed when minor athletes have dual relationships with adult participants, which standardizes and monitors appropriate dual relationships in sport.
- Boundary: Coaches need to maintain boundaries with digital communication. Coaches need to communicate at appropriate times, on sports-related content, and in group texts to uphold best practices.
- The best way to standardize positive relationships is through establishing a social media policy or communication guidelines. Sporting organizations can start by following a Code of Conduct that outlines behavioral expectations, which serves to get everyone on the same page.
- The “Let Them, Let Me” mantra outlined in the Boundaries Series - Tool #1: The ‘Let Them’ Theory can be helpful to use if a sporting professional attempts to communicate with an athlete outside of best practices.
- For example, you can ‘Let Them’ try to follow your personal Instagram. In response, ‘Let Me’ refer to the code of conduct or social media policy, ‘Let Me’ advocate for group channel communication, and, if necessary, ‘Let Me’ report the inappropriate behavior.
- If misconduct occurs, Safe and Active Bystander Intervention tools can be performed in both in-person and virtual contexts. Bystander interventions are crucial, as they work to keep us all safe by interrupting misconduct in the moment and preventing misconduct from occurring in the future.
These are all helpful tips, tricks, and frameworks that can provide a foundation for setting boundaries and promote emotional intelligence within sport. Athletes need to feel empowered to say yes/no freely in athletic situations – not just to prevent abuse, but to foster healthy emotional development. Self-advocacy through boundary setting is a critical skill to develop, especially in young athletes who are most vulnerable. Remember, setting and holding boundaries is a muscle you can develop and train; keep practicing!
If you or someone you know needs support, please visit our crisis resources or resources for assistance.
Annelise Ware, MHS
Program Manager at #WeRideTogether
Kathryn McClain, MSW, MBA
Program and Partnerships Director at #WeRideTogether
